I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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