Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize