I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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