So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
