just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
