does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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