He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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