Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize