the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
