So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
