she looked like the before picture.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
