Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
