i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
