but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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