Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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