Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
