Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
