i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
