just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize