Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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