He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
