this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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