and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize