The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
