Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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