Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
