The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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