why didn't you poke me back
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
