used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
