I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
