____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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