I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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