one two three fourrrrnication!
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
