Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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