Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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