just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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