When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
