You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
