Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
