You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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