How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
