not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
