i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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