My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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