We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize