Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
