he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
