I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
