He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
