why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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