Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
