You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
