I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
