I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
