so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just want nice things and good sex
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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