I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
