You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
