Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She bit a glass in half.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
