Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
