I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
