Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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