Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i think i have two assholes
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize