Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
