how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
