New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Still dying that you shit outside
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
