so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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