oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
