I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
