i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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