I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
