My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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