Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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