At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
