Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
