she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
