Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
