How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
