New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
