Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
