Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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