I bet he comes in French.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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