I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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