dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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