I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I will die if light touches me.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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