my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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