I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize