he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize