dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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