So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
