LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
