Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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