yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
