i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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