so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
