he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Semen is not good for contacts.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
