I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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