So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
