Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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