I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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