soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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